I bought this wonderful book on abstract painting techniques last summer. But before I could really start using it I suddenly became very angry, depressed, and discouraged about my creative process and I sold all my paints and painting supplies, along with a lot of other art supplies. I had bought all those paint the intention of really learning what to do and I had a huge number of them and I just got rid of them. But creatively I think I have healed since then and now I’m getting back into it, but I have had to start from the beginning with my paints. Starting out in painting is expensive. I had to buy all the bases to get paint texture, as well as gesso and palettes – on top of buying different colors of paint since I got rid of over seventy colors.
I am returning to this book to learn some techniques. I’m so glad I at least kept the book. I basically never throw out a book, and it looked so cool. I just wish that I hadn’t given up on Visual Arts back then. I would know so much more than I do now and I wouldn’t have lost money. Sometimes I just get angry and disenchanted. I’m not sure why. Maybe I was feeling untalented and upset about that. But I don’t know that that’s the case because I have never claimed to be a visual artist. I am merely someone who loves to experiment with color and texture. I am not a painter. I’m a writer. I may have been frustrated with everything at the time. Sometimes I just get angry or hopeless. Other times I tried to narrow the focus in my life, only to discover that I am not a person who can narrow focus. Despite being driven to create visually as well as verbally, I can feel extremely stymied. Like I’m just hitting a wall over and over again. But knock on wood that isn’t happening again so far. I’m beginning to get into the visual again with photo editing and with painting. And I may add some other things to my list as well. I will have to see. I feel like it improves my writing to work on the visual arts. That way my brain is kept sharp and creative all day long without focusing on my writing to the point of burnout or having nothing to say. So while I am not and never will be a painter, I can improve my writing with painting.