Reinvigorating my Creative Life

I have returned to writing in the past few weeks, and I have tons of poems to post as we start 2019. My painting has been full of experimenting.

To jumpstart my creativity, part of what I am using to keep myself inspired is the planner I wrote about before that was custom designed for me. Seeing everything written out that I should do each day, from reading to writing to learning, helps give me that accountability. I write for the love of it and because I have images in my head that just must come out. But the reality is I frequently don’t feel good and doing anything can be difficult. This week in particular has been hard. But I am creating.

I have used the times Angelica has been getting tutoring to read, write, and blog. She gets tutoring for an hour at a time and rather than just sit there, I get stuff done. The new environment is actually stimulating.

I may start doing digital poetry, in this case meaning poetry on images, and I definitely want to start using dyed and cut up words in my paintings.

Collages are in the cards. I also want to do still life photography around the house with journals, art supplies, salt, flowers, bibles, etc.

I have a few little plans in the works and I am looking for more. I want to be as creative as possible this winter

Self Esteem from God

We live in a culture of comparison. Sometimes that can be a bad thing. Women get on Instagram and see how immaculate another woman’s house is and feel bad. But not all of us are equally gifted in all areas, and what matters is that your home is clean and homey – not stock photo material. And besides, you don’t know how many piles of junk have been pushed just out of the frame.

We compare weight, wealth, and style. It starts young. Yesterday our family was in the car and our daughter said that someday she wanted an expensive house so people would know her house is expensive. Where does a 5 year old get that idea? At a young age we feel compelled to outdo one another, and not in kindness. I asked her why she would care if other people think her house is expensive. She said she wants to be pretty.

Of course my husband and I had a corrective talk with her. If she does end up with wealth, and we hope she marries well, she should not flaunt it. Furthermore, having an expensive house won’t make her prettier than anyone else.

From very early on in life we figure out what the world values and we try to be and acquire those things. I honestly think that although much of it stems from pride and competitiveness, which I am guilty of, some of it grows from fear. We believe people will be nicer to us if we have an impressive house, designer clothing, trim waists, and big vacations. Honestly, we are right. The world at large is kinder and kinder, even idolizing, those who are most extreme in these trappings of societal gold. There will always be a certain percentage of people, especially women I think, that will treat you differently if you are slim and rich. Some hope the cache of these things will rub off on them by association. Still others may be riven with jealousy, but interested to watch a life they perceive as better than theirs. We revere what we value.

Some of it is plain insecurity. We want people to at bare minimum not be mean to us. I think my daughter perceives, young as she is, that people will have a better initial impression of her if she has a big house – and that therefore people will be kinder.

I have found this to be true in my own life. In middle school, living in apartments and with few outfits and no handbags, I was an outsider to the girls around me. I was treated differently. Yet I don’t want my daughter to grow up fearing that. I want her to draw her self esteem from God, and rest secure in His love. She has nothing to prove to other people, no one to impress. She needs to please her savior. Friends can help get us through this life, but the right ones will genuinely like you. Your house will not need a marble foyer for them to want to come over.

I hope my daughter has a gorgeous home. I want her to be well traveled. But I do not want these things to be what she derives her self worth from. These things are also not a guarantee in life, and I want her to have a firmer foundation on which to rest her identity.

Our worth is derived from God. Enjoy your blessings, but never be prideful. Even if they are hard earned, they are undeserved gifts. I want my daughter to remember that

Marriage Journal

This is a lovely red journal I bought that I use to remind me to be a good wife. On each page is a verse about marriage or submission. In it I try to record daily goals for serving, respecting, loving, and honoring Craig. It really makes me think. You can’t take your husband for granted, and each day I should focus on serving my husband. He is such a blessing in my life, and he deserves the best of me. I get tired and busy and moody, and sometimes it is good to have something to remind me to prioritize my marriage.

Merry Christmas!

Angelica enjoying her Light Bright for the first time.

Merry Christmas to all of you. I hope you are having a beautiful day with family and friends. I hope your fellowship is warm. Enjoy this special day celebrate the Son of God come to Earth in the flesh. I love you all.

If you are alone this Christmas and want to talk, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, send me an email at McLemores0903@gmail.com

I would be glad to talk.

I Shed It Like a Skin

On the shore the tree leaves whisper

Heavy.

They will fall at the loving

touch of cold.

Cold is compassionate

stilling the river to keep

families of silt together.

I’ll probably fossilize under

the pressure of glamor,

among layers of lipstick,

bleach in the sun on the shore.

My days on the glowing shore

are limited edition.

I collect them.

The autumnal lake

licks the shore like a kitten

behind the mountain,

cold waiting to love us,

our lives.

The leaves chitter nervously.

I feel age, volume

pulling me down.

Youth no longer fits me,

I shed it like a skin.

I bleach,

sanitized.

The pressure of cosmopolitan glitz

is entirely too much for my brain.

Cautiously, the cold spills over

mountain peaks,

desiccates me.

The lake freezes,

kitten asleep in a box.

rough draft